A man from Linhai City, China accidentally trapped his genitals in a wrench last week. It’s unclear how or why a wrench was clamped on his privates but we can only assume it was some very, very sad sex thing. (Or a very awesome and acceptable sex thing if you’re attracted to wrenches.)
And I mean, who isn’t?
The man’s genitals were held prisoner by the wrench for nearly a full day before he sought out any type of medical help which in “penis stuck in a wrench” time is like five months. Did the pressure from the wrench turn his penis purple? You bet your purple penis it did.
When the doctors originally arrived on the scene, they planned on draining his penis of blood to lessen the swelling, but they were unable to track his parents down to have them sign a consent form. This is a grown, 37-year-old man with his penis trapped in a wrench by the way and not a child.
With the doctor’s solution a no go, the next logical step was to track down a bunch of firefighters to remove the wrench with an angle grinding saw. After careful examination of the man’s swollen penis and the wrench that was now his signifigant other, the firefighters decided that the heat generated by the device would have put the man in even more pain then having his junk trapped by a wrench ever would. (Maybe.) With that, the firefighters were out of ideas.
Out of ideas.
It seemed like all hope was lost until one of the doctors had a genius idea. A dentist drill could free this man’s penis from his metal prison. When they arrived on the scene, one of the dentists said, “The dental engine also has a high-pressure water cooler to reduce the heat caused by the drilling.” So the dentists got to work with their drill and within 30 minutes, the man’s swollen member was freed of its shackles.
If this story has a moral, it’s that you probably shouldn’t have sex with a wrench or if you do, make sure you have a dentist on speed dial, just in case.