Cropped Hand Having Popcorns In Theater. Photo: Tatiana Dyuvbanova / EyeEm (Getty)
You know what they say — a salty wife is a salty life.
Okay, that’s not what they say. But that’s what one Wisconsin man assumes after he threatened to divorce his wife for she salting their movie theater popcorn.
Brookfield police were called to a Marcus Majestic Cinema last month. When they arrived, they found a husband and wife with quite the story to share. The husband accused his wife of “being unfaithful.” Why? She salted popcorn against his wishes.
The wife told officers her husband was angry she put salt on their movie popcorn. She took the keys to the car because she felt unsafe letting him drive while angry, a police report said.
The wife explained she purchased popcorn and her husband told her not to salt it, then walked away. Because she bought the popcorn, she decided to put salt on it. Upon finding out the popcorn was salted, the man told his wife their marriage was over, according to the report.
As a married man who came from married parents and married a woman whom also came from married parents, let me explain something: salted or unsalted popcorn is by no means a reason to file divorce. Therefore, there must be a lot more to this story. And I mean, a lot.
One hint? The husband reportedly said that his wife was “unfaithful” and “does things behind his back.” I guess the popcorn was the icing, er, salt on the cake.
What’s funny is that the report also says the wife went inside to watch the movie without her husband, who stayed outside in a furious rage. Once the movie ended, the wife finally went outside and tried to leave the theater with her husband. But of course, he refused to get in the car. She was worried. The police told the woman her husband was an “adult” and “could make his own decisions.”
First, if your wife (or any woman) tells you to get in the car, you get in the car. Second, aside from an affair, the only other grounds for divorce include just about any felony or wrecking any muscle car circa pre-1970. Finally, who doesn’t love salted movie-theater popcorn?
Josh Helmuth is a sports reporter in St. Louis who contributes to Mandatory.