Grumpy old lady watering lawn beside tacky decorations Photo: CaseyHillPhoto (Getty)
What’s scarier than waking up to a naked dude on your porch? For one very naked Florida trespasser, it’s apparently elderly women without their teeth.
According to the Miami Herald, a 73-year-old Titusville woman woke up last Friday morning expecting to find her cat on her back porch, but much to her surprise, there was a butt-ass naked 28-year-old man out there instead.
“What the hell? That’s not my cat,” Pennelope Pettersen said after opening her blinds and laying eyes on Axel Rivera, who was allegedly “standing naked on her back porch exposing himself in a lewd manner with his hands in the air and gyrating his hips.”
Not one to back down from anything at this point in her life, Pettersen yanked out her chompers and scared off Rivera by throwing her arms in the air and yelling, “Grandma, no teeth!” Her granddaughter then made an emergency phone call, and police arrived on the scene a short while later and apprehended him.
When asked why he was standing buck naked on an elderly woman’s porch, Rivera apparently had one hell of a good reason for it, saying that somebody had stolen them from him. That obviously wasn’t the case, and Rivera was hit with charges of “burglary and exposing sexual organs.”
Of course, the real story here is Pettersen not taking shit from anybody despite being 73 years old. She even doubled down on her badassery by saying she was never scared by Rivera. Why not? Well, in Pettersen’s own words, Rivera was simply nothing more than a “dumbass.”