Cover Photo: tostphoto (Getty Images). Cover Tweet: @Popehat
When a week dies, a collection of funniest tweets is born from it for your twisted Twitter-loving pleasure. If you missed last week’s tweets, we highly recommend you not skip your weekly dose of laughs, if nothing else for your health.
Enjoy this heaping pile of hilarity, then scurry off into your weekend, but first, remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. Their blood, sweat and tweets did not come easily, but again, neither did your weekend. Side effects include loss of bladder control, heart palpitations and unplanned crying.
Tweet yourself to these, then follow us @Mandatory on Twitter.
Ronald McDonald really let himself go. pic.twitter.com/BJ8337RBZr
— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) January 15, 2019
Without federal food inspectors, I’m only eating chicken nuggets.
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) January 14, 2019
i’ve invented a time machine that takes you to the 90s. all you have to do is say “get crazy with the cheeze whiz.” it works.
— Pete Holmes (@peteholmes) January 11, 2019
Michael Cohen paid a tech firm to rig online polls in Trump’s favor — but that’s not all. He paid them to create a Twitter account touting his sexiness to women.
This is very weird.https://t.co/kACBDPoifp
— New York Daily News (@NYDailyNews) January 18, 2019
It’s weird how many people hit rock bottom when they’re really high
— Kate Quigley (@KateQFunny) January 15, 2019
Makes sense. He failed his audition for Sorry. https://t.co/Wuwc7cDVKS
— Amos Posner (@AmosPosner) January 17, 2019
what in tostitos scoops pic.twitter.com/rNmriXfCoq
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) January 17, 2019
Stop sending me this shit pic.twitter.com/JfJ8uCHqVt
— Mike Tyson (@MikeTyson) January 16, 2019
— Jason Reitman (@JasonReitman) January 16, 2019
To prepare yourself for having a kid: Every night before bed say to your phone “Siri, Set an alarm. Surprise me.”
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) January 16, 2019
He’s prouder of these hamburgers than he is of his adult sons https://t.co/tQunBaeuoH
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) January 15, 2019
WOOOOO!!!! YEAH BABY! WE MADE IT! pic.twitter.com/kORFbCDkxj
— KB (@Kellenbeck) January 15, 2019
[Writing Batman theme]
WRITER: So it starts by saying “Batman.”
PRODUCER: Well that makes sense, just once?
WRITER: 23 times.
WRITER: Then you just make noise for awhile.
WRITER: Then you say Batman again.
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) January 16, 2019
I mean, it appears that Gillette isn’t a good product for sensitive skin after all.
— NeverSaid”Hat” (@Popehat) January 15, 2019
ᶠᶦᵍʰᵗ ᶜˡᵘᵇ https://t.co/TbelKtnQRA
— Mowgli (@Holy_Mowgli) January 15, 2019
Tori Spelling’s husband responds after kids are body-shamed: ‘Shame on you all!’ https://t.co/XquxdfxI37
— TODAY (@TODAYshow) January 18, 2019