Once upon a time in a land far far away, I was recruited to be on the Dr. Phil show. “He’s super nice!” some random casting agent told me, “He’s not here to make a mockery out of you, he’s here to help.” And while that may be true (which it isn’t, but I’m trying to be nice for now), that hasn’t stopped the hundreds of people who’ve been on that show from making themselves look like complete assholes. Would I have been yet another stupid asshole had I gone on his show? Probably.
But I wouldn’t have been anywhere as bad as Blake.
Blake, a 26-year-old college psychology graduate whose education seems to have been a complete waste of time, made an appearance on Wednesday’s Dr. Phil episode after his mother, Sandra, and sister, Sarah, revealed they were afraid that something is mentally wrong with him. Why would they think something’s loose in Blake’s noggin? Well for starters:
- Blake is verbally abusive
- Blake smokes pot all day
So far I am Blake.
- Blake refuses to get a job that pays less than $100,000 a year
- Blake enjoys disrespecting other women and confesses that he’s a “man whore” who loves “sluts”
- Blake lives rent-free in a house his mother pays for
- Blake’s mom pays for his phone, insurance, and even bought the car he drives
Alright, I’m not Blake anymore. Thank god.
And I know you’re probably reading this like “LOL Blake sounds like a HOOT,” but watch this clip…
…and tell me you don’t want to punch that fucker right in the face.
Yeah, I thought so.
The stupid idiot even admitted to taking a shit on his sister’s porch in response to an argument they were having. “One time I got in an argument with Sarah and I got so mad I told her ‘I am going to defecate on your porch.’ I was serious,” he explained to Dr. Phil. “I walked up to her porch, pulled down my pants and I defecated all over. I thought it was hysterical.”
So far, I’ll admit it’s sort of funny. I can’t really judge him here because I too have taken revenge shits out of spite. Maybe Blake and I could get along?
But then he kept going.
“My mom had to clean it up and I’d do it again. It’s not that big of a deal.”
You fuck with your sister? Fine. You fuck with your MOM like that? No way. Nuh-fucking-uh. That woman birthed you, dealt with all your bullshit growing up and is now dealing with an adult man who takes shits in public and is perfectly fine with his elderly mother cleaning it up. Is it illegal to incite violence towards someone? It is? Okay well…DEFINITELY do NOT do ANYTHING to this FINE UPSTANDING GENTLEMAN. Seriously.
Unsurprisingly, people didn’t respond well to Blake and his douchebaggery…
This Blake guy on The Dr. Phil show needs intensive therapy and probably needs to check into a facility for 3months or more.
— Faith (@EzendiNwanyi) February 15, 2017
This Blake dude on Dr Phil not even cute
— Nefertari ???? (@QueenNefra_) February 15, 2017
“the more eggs in your basket the more chance you get to fuck them” – blake from dr phil
— jazzy ashley (@st_scribbles) February 16, 2017
blake and i are watching dr phil with a guy named blake who is such a dick AND ITS SO RELEVANT
— hay??? (@Haydenx) February 15, 2017
…but who knows if that’ll make a difference to him? You’d think embarrassing yourself on national television would be the first step towards bettering yourself, but with an enabling parent like Sandra and a sister who’s willing to keep talking to her brother even after he takes a shit on her porch, why bother changing?