Header Photo: LEON NEAL/AFP (Getty) Cover Image @ProudResister (Twitter)
When a week ends, a collection of funniest tweets is born for your twisted Twitter-loving pleasure.
Give our top 20 tweets of the week a quick glance, enjoy a hearty laugh and then scurry off into your weekend, but first, remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. Their blood, sweat and tweets did not come easily, but again, neither did your weekend.
Tweet yourself to these, then follow us @Mandatory on Twitter.
Please let it be Ruth Bader Ginsburg. https://t.co/xkn8mbkV37
— Ryan Knight (@ProudResister) November 9, 2018
It’s been a while since i was a child, but I don’t remember saying “the Grinch should be longer”
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 9, 2018
To be fair, Facebook is still excellent for finding out if Debbie Linder from Mr. Eschen’s geometry class married that guy with the teeth.
— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) November 16, 2018
Guess who cut the funding for fire management in California then blamed the fires on mismanagement? How do YOU spell infantile?! pic.twitter.com/B0duHp8T1x
— Jim Carrey (@JimCarrey) November 11, 2018
[first day as a tsa agent]
me: arms up
me: [hugs him] you have a great flight
— Shen the Bird (@Shen_the_Bird) October 17, 2018
get in line, bud—there’s a long queue for the resentment cocoon https://t.co/gTfQP45R1G
— batkaren (@batkaren) November 14, 2018
can’t wait to ride the mary-go-round pic.twitter.com/HSnAb530jy
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) November 16, 2018
I’m ‘need the recap before every episode to understand what’s happening on a show even when I watch five in a row.” years old.
— Desi (@DesiJed) November 16, 2018
I’ve been told I need to draw up my will. It’s really hard but I don’t want my family fighting over my Bed Bath and Beyond coupons that never expire, my lifelong soy sauce packets from takeout Chinese and my Target plastic bags I use for trash bags.
Thank God I don’t have money.
— Cristela Alonzo (@cristela9) November 16, 2018
How is it that the commercials before SNL skits always seem like the sketch until you realize it’s not the freakin sketch?
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) November 14, 2018
— Bill Burr (@billburr) November 14, 2018
My 7 rules for book writing
2. Have a Frankenstein in it
3. Do not talk about Book Writing
4. Do not talk about Book Writing
5. It should take place on a boat
6. A scene where a guy splits a bullet in half with a sword
7. Have a nice plant on your writing desk
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 15, 2018
stop talking about your dick https://t.co/4Pt8cmiJOE
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) November 14, 2018
[line in store]
old lady: oh I don’t have enough money
me: here, let me help you out
old lady: thank you
me: [pointing] exit’s over there
— Marf (@MarfSalvador) November 14, 2018
*jimmy butler cracks his knuckles*https://t.co/c1MwVgKlqq
— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) November 10, 2018