Cover Tweet: @PFTompkins
What a rough week. First, Luke Perry passes and now the terrible news of Alex Trebek’s cancer. But we have to stay positive, folks. We have to continue to laugh, which is why we’re here and why we show up each week.
Did you know when a week dies, a collection of funniest tweets is born from it for your twisted Twitter-loving pleasure? If you missed last week’s tweets, we highly recommend you not skip your weekly dose of laughs, if nothing else for your health.
Tweet yourself to these, then follow us @Mandatory on Twitter.
How about Tim Apples? pic.twitter.com/uAclVjbjRq
— Bryan Paulk (@thebryanpaulk) March 7, 2019
If u believe in guardian angels, there’s no such thing as unprotected sex.
— Kate Quigley (@KateQFunny) March 7, 2019
So many people were so confused as to why I was putting an egg on my pizza. Not sure why that’s so weird, come to LA people there’s eggs on everything.
— Devin Brugman (@devinbrugman) March 7, 2019
You shut your whole mouth. https://t.co/CBzp5g4RYC
— Jonathan Sadowski (@sadowski23) March 7, 2019
— $oundProof🎧🎵 (@s0undpr0of) March 7, 2019
James Franco stars in another remarkable true story of survival…..127 Flushes https://t.co/XspjgZwNNk
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) March 3, 2019
My therapist won’t validate my parking but he will validate my feelings about it.
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) March 6, 2019
everyone: no one:
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) March 7, 2019
Best Buffet Ever! pic.twitter.com/vS0aixWz8v
— C’est la vie (@Robert_Beau) March 6, 2019
— The Onion (@TheOnion) March 6, 2019
any catholics out there giving up hating the gays for lent or is it just ice cream again
— babs (@buttabarba) March 5, 2019
13 yo looks at car radio.
“What’s Steely Dan?”
“It’s a band.”
“What does their name mean?”
“It’s the name of a dildo in a book about drugs.”
It’s called parenting, people.
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 6, 2019
A good use of your limited time on earth is to get really mad about food no one’s personally making you eat
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) March 6, 2019
I must have read 100 stories in the last 24 hours about how great Luke Perry was and I would read 100 more. https://t.co/pCcEN44oBV
— Heather & Jessica (@fuggirls) March 5, 2019
A Message from Alex Trebek: pic.twitter.com/LbxcIyeTCF
— Jeopardy! (@Jeopardy) March 6, 2019