Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli lit the internet on fire this week when he tweeted out that he was auctioning off a chance to punch him in the face. While this is an amazing opportunity for the human race, it is also sad because it means Pharma Bro has become self-aware. Pharma Bro won’t even let us enjoy this!
In a weird twist, the auction actually IS for a good cause. Shkreli is not, as I first suspected, raising funds for an endangered animal hunting expedition aboard a baby seal powered submarine. Instead, Shkreli is raising money for the family of his former publicist Mike Kulich who sadly passed away this past Saturday. Kulich has a young son who recently recovered from cancer and proceeds from the Pharma Bro face punching will benefit him.
Aside from representing the notorious AIDS medication price jacking Shkreli, the late publicist was involved earlier this year in getting a woman who looked like former US presidential candidate Senator Ted Cruz to make a porn movie. Pharma Bro says he would have wanted it this way.
Shkreli originally posted the auction on Ebay but the site took it down. He then took to Twitter, telling his followers to direct message him to make a bid. So far someone has promised to pay in up to $78,000 for a chance at punching or slapping Pharma Bro.
Whoever wins the bid for the punch should have the option of not having to hit Shkreli themselves, but rather pick a designated puncher of their choice. Or better yet have the Internet vote on who gets to punch him! With our “luck” some lightweight Wall Street pencil pusher will come up with the cash to lightly smack the twerp. That’s why I think we should get to pick a stand in. It would be truly fitting if Ghost Face Killah from the Wu Tang Clan got to do it. Or how about someone like:
Or the champion, Floyd Mayweather!
Knowing Shkreli who is waiting to go on trial for fraud, we should keep the money and only give it to him AFTER the punch has been completed. How much would you donate to see Pharma Bro get knocked out by a boxing champ?
Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney