At best, most security guards look like the only way they could run a mile would be if someone carried them and then a power scooter took over for the last half. At worst, the power scooter collapses under their girth from snacking at the mall food court all day. And yet every now and then, we the people are delivered the security guard that we want, but not that we deserve.
Enter: the Samuel L. fuckin’ Jackson of security 7-Eleven security guards:
Dude is NOT fucking around. Soon as the one robber hops over the counter Sammy J comes walking in and immediately starts shooting. Dude isn’t even hyped! His head might be completely bald but there ain’t a drop of sweat anywhere in sight. In the movies you see people taking cover and exchanging shots, but instead of hang back behind a shelf to protect himself he just waltzes up to the counter, leans over and fires off a few more shots – and this is BEFORE the kids start screaming that their gun is fake. Sammy could’ve poked his head over and gotten blown away with a shotgun for all he knew, but instead he whips his giant fucking balls out on the counter and basically goes:
It’s not every day (or any day) that I wish I were a 7-Eleven security guard, but goddamn if this guy isn’t inspiring.