Texas Votes To Change School Named After Confederate General To Donald J. Trump

These parents today can’t handle having their precious little snowflakes go to school at an elementary named after a Confederate General, Robert E. Lee. So the good people of Austin, Texas epically trolled those who wanted to change the name of Robert E. Lee Elementary School by voting overwhelmingly to change the name to something more politically correct: Donald Trump. 

Wait, is that actually “Robert C. Lee” his deadbeat cousin?

It all started last March when school board voted to rename the school and held a public vote for a new namesake. Well now the votes are in and wouldn’t you know who got a huge turnout? Donald J. Trump came in at number one. In second place, the rebel general retained his name on the school. Yeeha!

This is absurd: a science fair in Texas? Thanks Obama.

America is all about winners and losers. That’s why I think it’s a great plan to honor someone whose army and ideology lost to the USA. If anything the rest of America should follow Texas’ lead and name schools and institutions after others who America beat. This will be a great reminder for the school children, “hey remember that time we kicked their ass?”

We should be gracious winners and take the high road by honoring the defeated.  The parents and teachers of the former Robert E. Lee Elementary School agree with me and came up with a lot of “fun” ideas including  “Adolf Hitler School for Friendship and Tolerance.” Here are the top 18 choices.

1. Donald J. Trump Elementary: 45 nominations

2. Robert E. Lee Elementary: 34 nominations

3. Russell Lee Elementary: 32 nominations

Famous photographer from Austin.

4. Harper Lee Elementary: 30 nominations

5. Elisabet Ney Elementary: 15 nominations

6. Lee Elementary: 13 nominations

* I assusme this is who they mean.

7. Adolf Hitler School for Friendship and Tolerance: 8 nominations

Hitler always had a lot of headshots, was he sending out for casting calls?

8. Waller Creek Elementary: 8 nominations

Waller Creek: less popular than Hitler.

Other nominations included:

9. Adam Lanza’s School of Fun

10. Bleeding Heart Liberal Elementary

11. Boaty McBoatface Elementary School

12. Forgetting The Past Dooms You to Repeat It Elementary

13. Garfunkel

Just Garfunkle, fuck Simon

14. Hypothetical Perfect Person Memorial Elementary School

15. John Cena Elementary

16. Schooly McSchoolerson

Break Poll: what should they really name the elementary school?


Follow Phil Haney @PhilHaney

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