The Lower Brain: Why Isn’t She Up For Going Down?


Dramatic concept, depressed man sitting head in hands on the bed in the dark bedroom. 
Photo: Photographer is my life (Getty)

This week’s installment of The Lower Brain brings a very honest response to one of the most common and ignorant questions in sex lives. If this is an issue in your relationship, maybe these are the answers you seek, as well.

Dear Sara:

My girlfriend won’t go down on me. In the beginning of our relationship, she said that she wasn’t into doing it, and I accepted that and figured she’d change as she got more used to me. She even said maybe eventually she’d be open to it. But it’s been two years and she still won’t do it, and honestly, it’s starting to piss me off. I will never understand why a girl who will do anal whenever I want won’t go down on me. What can I do to make her change?

Sincerely,

Hard Up and Getting Mad

Dear HUAGM:

Well, I will never understand why you’re so upset about a blowjob when you’re getting anal whenever you want, but whatever. Clearly, for some reason, you’ve decided you need that head or else you’re not going to feel like you’re in a truly satisfying relationship.

Let me give you some advice: Break up with her.

She deserves better than you. She deserves a guy who listens when she says something and gives a shit about her opinions, fears, desires, hopes, and needs. She at least deserves a man who won’t obsess so much about what he’s not getting that he can’t appreciate what he is getting. Because I have a feeling she’s way more sexually generous with you than a lot of women have been in the past, and yet it’s still not enough for you.

Plus, you’re so foolish you thought she was going to change. She gave you a “maybe” and you took that as a “definitely.” And a “maybe” is never a “definitely,” no matter who it’s from, no matter what it’s about.

So break up with her. Don’t tell her it’s because of the blowjob thing, because you’ll fuck up her emotions and self-esteem even more than you probably already have with whatever other forms of selfishness and idiocy you rain down on this poor woman. Break up with her and go find somebody who hates herself as much as you hate her. You’ll probably have a very satisfying relationship.

And if you don’t want to lose this girl you’re with right now? Get the fuck over the fact that she’s not going to give you head. She doesn’t owe you head. She never promised you head. You’re not getting head. With your attitude, you also don’t deserve head from her or anybody else. Clearly, she’s a saint if she’s even letting you talk to her, much less fuck her.

Now, shut up and go eat her pussy for a really long time.



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