Header Photo: LEON NEAL/AFP (Getty) / Cover image: @Unfitz (Twitter)
Another week means another batch of the funniest tweets collected for your Twitter-loving pleasure.
Give our top 20 tweets of the week a quick glance, enjoy a hearty laugh and then scurry off to your weekend, but first, remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. Their blood, sweat and tweets did not come easily, but again, neither did your weekend.
Tweet yourself to these, then follow us @Mandatory on Twitter.
And they say romance is dead. pic.twitter.com/zSrAbNe0mQ
— I Don’t Draw Good (@IDontDrawGood) May 22, 2018
— Safely Endangered (@EndangeredComic) August 2, 2018
— Alex Norris (@dorrismccomics) July 31, 2018
Probably the best way to honor Aretha Franklin at the Grammys would be to have nobody try to sing her songs because nobody could touch them. Seriously. Have Beyoncé walk out and hit play on an iPod
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) August 16, 2018
im really happy for u and ima let u finish
jery had the best puffy shirt of all time pic.twitter.com/135qYjLaH0
— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) August 6, 2018
— The Onion (@TheOnion) August 16, 2018
Regarding fruit pic.twitter.com/kswohFSiaZ
— jake likes onions (@jakelikesonions) August 15, 2018
— Comedy Central (@ComedyCentral) August 15, 2018
HOOCH HUNT! https://t.co/8UUzCYC78B
— Donald J. Trump (@TrumpComedyNerd) August 13, 2018
A real dog waiting for a real President. pic.twitter.com/oWPVjtdViw
— Pete Souza (@PeteSouza) August 14, 2018
The Chuck E. Cheese band looks like they’re fully aware they’re a band that only ever plays at a chain restaurant. pic.twitter.com/J9tdwkpNmZ
— Max Miller (@RuinMyWeek) August 16, 2018
What the hell is this photo https://t.co/Xb9F0yd6yW
— Jenny Cansada Humblebottom (@SteampunkMuppet) August 16, 2018
every hot girl i know likes taco bell, yet i never see hot girls at taco bell. this is known as the bell paradox
— thomas grynchon (@burgerkrang) August 16, 2018
A full metal jacket is a little too metal.
How about a jacket that’s half metal, half creamy chiffon?
— OctoFitz/Cavemouse (@UnFitz) August 16, 2018
GONNA HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS BUT CALL IT A PODCAST SO ITS NOT WEIRD
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) August 13, 2018
Anyone who doesn’t keep their email in the leftmost tab is a cop
— your friend Helen (@hels) August 8, 2018
The last ten years or something pic.twitter.com/FiFZxSoKxr
— Pat (@pat_gardner) August 6, 2018
Today at the clinic I told a patient not to eat fast food…we saw each other at McDonald’s during lunch
— Mina-Abanoub (@Big_Mina) August 15, 2018
oh she was TAPING taping https://t.co/w4EGpEYQ1t
— Philip Lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) August 17, 2018
Wife: [reaches for the fries on my plate]
Me: [slides grocery divider between plates]
Wife: you said you didn’t take that from the store.
Me: and you said you didn’t want any fries but here we are.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) August 16, 2018