Header Photo: LEON NEAL/AFP (Getty) Cover Image @ (Twitter)
When a week ends, a collection of funniest tweets is born for your twisted Twitter-loving pleasure.
Give our top 20 tweets of the week a quick glance, enjoy a hearty laugh and then scurry off into your weekend, but first, remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. Their blood, sweat and tweets did not come easily, but again, neither did your weekend.
Tweet yourself to these, then follow us @Mandatory on Twitter.
So far the scariest part of The Haunting Of Hill House is when a character needed medical care and his insurance had lapsed
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) October 18, 2018
ME IN NORMAL CLOTHES: I am nothing. I am invisible.
ME THE SECOND I PUT ON A SCARF: I am a handsome rich millionaire who knows about horses. Make way.
— Natemare On Elm Street (@thenatewolf) September 9, 2018
— elfie. (@elfbatross) October 15, 2018
WIFE: I want a divorce.
ME: Is it because of my small wrists?
ME: [taking off bracelet] Then take your ring back.
— Consider John Frazzled (@FrazzleMyGimp) October 15, 2018
If you had “Republicans elect a dead pimp” in your 2018 office pool, things are looking good for you. https://t.co/9iOx12sZiz
— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) October 18, 2018
I guess you could say the last time I felt genuine happiness was when my shampoo and conditioner bottles ran out at the same time.
— Katie Mathewson (@katiemathewson) October 18, 2018
Reminder- Horsefaces vote. pic.twitter.com/ZYKWitEdwo
— Lauren Reeves (@laurenreeves) October 16, 2018
Saw the phrase “autumnal delight” applied to You’ve Got Mail. In 1998 I walked by where they were shooting and assistants were tying fake colored leaves to bare NYC trees. Delight!
— Christopher Schelling (@CRSRipley) October 17, 2018
Still on the freeway. Friendships are forming. Two couples have met and gotten married. There’s talk of drafting a constitution. pic.twitter.com/CDOIKYmI9M
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 14, 2018
Human beings are really bad at driving
— rhea bootcher (@RheaButcher) October 13, 2018
my son needs help with his algebra homework so i snuck out the back door and started a new life in costa rica
— kim (@KimmyMonte) October 15, 2018
The fuck were they arguing about?
“I’m more racist and terrible.”
“No I’M more racist and terrible.”
“FIGHT ME.” pic.twitter.com/kuMVffa2z4
— shauna (@goldengateblond) October 18, 2018
Sometimes it physically hurts to hold in my sarcastic comments.
— Catie Larson (@CatieLarson) October 18, 2018
Sorry to be controversial here on this web site but in my opinion it is friday
— spookYgrene (@Ygrene) October 19, 2018
I think amazon hiring for seasonal https://t.co/30Ivjy0TZr
— Harry P. Ness (@ChurchBoyCec) October 18, 2018