Header Photo: LEON NEAL/AFP (Getty) Cover Image @BurgerKingUK (Twitter)
When a week ends, a collection of funniest tweets is born for your twisted Twitter-loving pleasure.
Give our top 20 tweets of the week a quick glance, enjoy a hearty laugh and then scurry off into your weekend, but first, remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. Their blood, sweat and tweets did not come easily, but again, neither did your weekend.
Tweet yourself to these, then follow us @Mandatory on Twitter.
It’s me, it’s me! I’m the a-hole!! https://t.co/uWufD5ndgC
— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) November 9, 2018
I love that moment when I find a great parking space in a busy area and as I parallel perfectly I think “God! Life is so easy!” Then I get out and immediately walk in the wrong direction to where I’m going.
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) November 9, 2018
The country might be completely torn for the foreseeable future, but can we all at least agree that pants are overrated?
— Michael hates the holidays (@Home_Halfway) November 8, 2018
Hmmm so Jeff Sessions just happens to resign right at the start of elf season? ok then pic.twitter.com/JOVxHnLcd8
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) November 7, 2018
Lol someone asked me why I still had my Beto sticker on my laptop even though he lost 2 days ago
IDK why do people have the confederate flag still. They lost 150 years ago.
— Eric Rodriguez (@thefakecarmona) November 8, 2018
One time I was on a date with a guy who said “girls aren’t funny, women are” and I asked if he thought of that, he said “my grandpa told me that”
Three generations of fucking idiots. That’s wild. These people are reproducing
— sarah schauer (@SJSchauer) November 8, 2018
CEO: we need to make condoms more pleasurable for women, any ideas?
Frog: *confidently raises hand*
— Kyle (@KylePlantEmoji) November 8, 2018
I’m just a girl standing in the Trader Joe’s express line, trying to see if you have more than 14 items in your cart.
— Hollis Jane Andrews (@hollis_jane) November 8, 2018
If you feel sad today, just imagine Mike Pence swearing 2 women into Congress with the Qur’an
— Shahed Amanullah (@shahed) November 7, 2018
Katy Perry: Is everyone having fun???
Me: [softly] Tell us more about your divorce
— Mark Magark (@markedly) November 7, 2018
Romaine lettuce: killed 4 people and they pulled it from every grocery store across the country.
Guns: there’s been 307 mass shootings in 2018 so far and you can get a gun at Wal Mart.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) November 8, 2018
I am personally knocking on doors and taking people’s guns away. So far everyone’s been pretty nice about it.
— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) November 8, 2018
OMG. Mitch McConnell photobomb. Background Voter Guy is everything!! pic.twitter.com/BFVo9ncLfx
— Michelle Kerr (@1nvisiblePink) November 6, 2018
Explains a lot https://t.co/CalmlcD3eu
— Burger King UK (@BurgerKingUK) November 5, 2018
Michael I am SO sorry if this creeps you out. My wife passed away in April of 2016. I met Meredith in May of 2017 and despite how sad I was we fell in love and married in November of 2017. I could kick myself for not checking with you first. Does this help? Lemme know! pic.twitter.com/GWYIKgovEc
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 5, 2018